


Everything Was Perfect

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Help, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Self-Hatred, They all need hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 09:42:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11460969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I just started writing and I really didn't know where it was going to end but here you go





	Everything Was Perfect

The clock wouldn’t stop, no matter how hard Jeremy stared. He wished he could go back, take it all away. Everything about the Squip. Even if it gave him just one chance to be with Christen. Sure, it didn’t work out well but can two teenagers do about it? And being with her just once made Jeremy stop being so obsessed. They didn’t know how to exactly make it work. And they didn’t have anyone to tell them how to do it.

_Thankfully._

Still, even that wasn’t enough to compensate for all the fear and anxiety the Squip left Jeremy. He had Michael to help him, and he knew he could call Michael whenever something was wrong, per Michael’s own instructions, but after the Squip he couldn’t do it without thinking he was being too needy. Too dependent. Too, uncool.  Every time he started thinking about the past he wanted to call Michael, and did, most of the time. Except, somehow, when he needed Michael the most.

Except during those really bad panic attacks where it feels like you don’t care and you care too much at the same time, and it feels like someone or something is trying to stop you from breathing. That’s when he felt the most like he shouldn’t be too dependent on Michael. _You don’t need him._ It was like the Squip would say it himself. _He doesn’t need you._ He would hear the Squip’s voice insulting him, and the world would feel like it’s about to crumble.

Luckily, this wasn’t that kind of panic attack, but it was getting close. He needed some time to be with Michael. Jeremy slowly picked up his phone, quickly calling Michael. He answered within the first two rings.

“You coming over?” Michael asked right away. He was used to Jeremy calling before he came over, although he really didn’t need to, as he reiterated every time Jeremy called before coming over. “You know you don’t actually need to call before you do that. You can just, show up at my house,”

“That’s a little stalkerish, Michael,”

“Maybe I have a fetish,”

“Ha,” Jeremy let out a sarcastic laugh even though he wasn’t sure if Michael was joking or not. “Well, just a warning, so...warning,”

“See you when you get here,” and with that, Michael hung up.

“Yeah,” Jeremy said to no one. He put the phone down on his bed and started smiling.

Since the Squip incident, the two had become closer. It took a lot of talking to assure that everything was ok with them, but soon they were back to calling every day, playing video games, and they started meeting more and more. If you saw one, chances were that the other one was not far behind. Not far as in, less than two steps.

When Christen and Jeremy broke up, he realized he was kind of into Michael. And the mere thought turned Jeremy’s face red. It wasn’t a lot really. He just thought, if, and _if,_ Michael asked him out he might consider saying yes. But then again, he had worries. They were really good friends. Number one, Michael would never go for him and number two, if they broke up, what would happen to their friendship?

Jeremy shook the thought out of his head before walking out the door into the cool summer air, on his way to his best friend’s house. With the biggest grin ever.

____

Michael threw the controller on his bed in frustration. Jeremy laughed a bit. “Chill out,”

“Chill out my ass, we’ve been on this level for ages,” he dramatically rolled on his back and started sliding off the bed, putting the back of his hand up to his forehead. Jeremy rolled his eyes, looking at Michael as he slid off. He blushed.  How could someone as great as him like someone like Jeremy? How did he get so lucky. Jeremy poked Michael’s stomach and he shoot up with wide eyes and hugged his entire body. “Jesus Christ, I’m up Jeremy,”

“You were about to hit the floor you know,” Michael stuck out his tongue and picked up the controller again, looking at the screen. Jeremy poked his side and Michael giggled before acting pissed again and moving away. Both of their faces turned red. Jeremy grinned from ear to ear. Michael scoffed, lightly pushing Jeremy’s shoulder. Both of them chuckled. Minutes passed of deep concentration, zombie moans and sometimes weird animal sounds from Jeremy as he was attacked by a zombie, before Michael came to the rescue.

Not much was heard throughout the house. Michael’s parents weren’t home and it was imposable to say were they were now. Suddenly, Jeremy sighed and laughed while Michael, who literally had no chill, stood up and screamed ‘fuck yeah’ while the screen read ‘Level Up’.  After celebrating, Michael flopped on his back next to Jeremy but missed entirely because he couldn’t see where he was falling and laid himself on the lap of Jeremy Heere. The boys started blushing before Michael smiled mischievously.

He put his arms in the air. “I’m yours!” He shouted and started to laugh. Jeremy blushed harder and tried not to laugh, pushing Michael off him.

“Get the fuck up man,” He dropped his controller and rolled on his side, looking up at Jeremy’s face and smiling.

The two were quiet for a few seconds, just looking at each other, unaware that anything else was going on. Unaware of how insanely cute and creepy it was.  God, Jeremy thought, how can anyone be this amazing? It should be illegal. He was practically perfect. Everything about him was glowing and beautiful in his own way.

His eyes held the universe in them, Jeremy thought dreamily. If he had his way he would look into his eyes forever. His smile could _cure cancer_ and whatever Jeremy had. Anxiety. Depression, fear? Those were the words. The way his hair bounced with every move he made. And his personality. Being the brightest, happiest, most wonderful person Jeremy knows. Jeremy couldn’t stop himself from thinking about it. Everything about Michael Mell was amazing and wonderful. And it was his.

No homo though. Even the he way he talked was amazing. His voice is one thing, still hot as hell, but somehow Jeremy even fell in love with the way he talked. The fact that he would actually want to talk to a loser like Jeremy. _Why would anyone want to talk to a loser like you?_

Jeremy suddenly felt his smile fade and saw Michael’s expression changed along with his. In an attempt to make Jeremy feel better, Michael smiled an bit and chuckled. But it wasn’t the same.

“Dude, you’re being kind of gay right now,”

“Michael, why...” He sighed looking around the room. Michael sat up, looking straight at Jeremy, who purposely avoided looking at him until he could find the words. “Why are you my friend,”

Michael’s face fell, for some reason that Jeremy was unaware of, then lit up again. He laughed. “Because you’re great Jeremy! You’re always there and always ready to have fun and help out. It’s amazing just to talk to you,”

Jeremy tried to chuckle but nothing came out. _You’re a loser._ A voice that wasn’t him whispered in his brain. And he believed it. “But I’m a loser,”

“Why do you think that’s true?”

“Well,” Jeremy shrugged, rubbing his left arm with his other hand. He shot a look of innocence and sadness at Michael and he put his hand on Jeremy’s knee for comfort, but quickly took it off. “Because I am? Why do you think I’m not?”

Michael took a deep breath. “Because you’re not. You’re amazing. You’re cooler than you think you are. Smarter, too. Jeremy, I can’t find the right words but you’re amazing because I say you are. And no asshole at school is going to change that. Give me a name, I’ll beat the fuck out of them. You’re not just great, you’re the best,”

Jeremy smiled, but it was cut short by the voice again. The one that Jeremy thought sounded a lot like the Squip sounded. But that was just his imagination, right? _Everything about you sucks. He’s just saying that to keep you from whining. You whine like a baby, Jeremy._ He shrugged again, giving into the thoughts. “You have to be me up, I guess,”

Michael’s face fell. “ _It_ was the only part of you that really hated you. And it’s gone Jeremy, why can’t you see that?”

Jeremy froze and started stuttering. “No! I-didn’t I? I mean, yes, I agree, but why would you bring that up? What does that have to do with-?”

“You didn’t call yourself a loser half as much until that thing came and filled your head with lies. I want you to know, that they’re just lies. You’re not anything it said you were,”

“But everything about me _is_ terrible. The problem wasn’t that he was saying those things, it was that he was _right._ Why is it so hard to believe that I, a human being, can hate myself without anyone telling me to do it?”

“Stop that,” It comes out in a whisper. “Stop it. You honestly believe that?” Michael looks as if what his friend had said was a personal attack. At once, his eyes fill as if they were cups. Just waiting to overflow. The slightest flutter of his eyelids. In fact, you could tap him and the tears would be pouring out. But he never moved.

Jeremy’s eyes welled up too. “Stop what? Reliving the past? Because I know it was so hard for you, Michael. Squipless, the savior of the school, loved by, _everyone,”_

“You left me alone,” Michael raised his voice. But Jeremy was louder.

“So what? You’re better off without me anyway!” He closed his eyes, letting three tears trace down his cheeks before he shoved his face in cupped hands and pressed his back against the wall. Michael blinked too. After he blinked the world became even more blurry. So much, in fact, that he couldn’t see a difference when he whipped off his glasses to dry them with his hoodie sleeve. He wiped his cheeks too, although it was useless because when he was done, a new set of tears just took its place.

The room was filled with the boys’ muffled or stifled sobs. They refused to talk. Michael looked down at his hands sitting awkwardly in his lap. He fidgeted, trying to calm himself. He looked back up at Jeremy, who now had his knees up close to his face with his arms across. His head was buried in his arms. His shoulders only made the slightest movements from time to time. The only part of his body that moved. Michael would life his hand, hesitate, and then put it back down.

 _Better off without him. Without him._ He wiped another stray tear off himself and decided that was a good excuse to try and put his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder. It worked. Jeremy peeked at Michael, who made a halfhearted attempt to smile before melting back to looking like a kicked puppy. It hurt Jeremy to see him like that. His head fell back in his arms and he groaned. “Why?” Michael whispers. So quiet that at first Jeremy though it was just his mind playing tricks on him. As soon as he realized that wasn’t what was happening, he looked up and started to stutter.

“You- I mean, we’re always, like. I- I mean, I know that you still ha-hang around. But, umm,” He sighs and lifts his hand up to his own forehead, pressing his palm into his eyebrow, still not looking at Michael, who was staring at Jeremy intently. “You, I think, you- I mean, it always seems like you, don’t care? I mean, like, about what other people think about you and you’re always happy, and I don’t understand why _I,_ “

“Do you think I’m too good for you or something?” Michael said flatly. “That’s what al this is about,” He pauses and when Jeremy doesn’t say anything, he raises his voice, putting his hands back in his lap. Jeremy glared at Michael. “You’re the best thing I have in my life, Jeremy! I would trade anything for you. You’re amazing, and wonderful. Everything about you. I will never, ever, be too good for you. I’m not good _enough_ for you,”

“Michael,” Jeremy sighed.

“So you can self-hate but when I do it it’s bad?” Jeremy took in a breath and held it, staring at Michael yet again as he started crying silently. Again. Which made Jeremy tear up. “Jeremy, you left me alone in a bathroom. You called me a loser, you literally blocked me from your field of vision. Don’t act like you were the only one of us hurt in the situation,”

“I never acted like that!”

“Do you think I spent my time in that bathroom thinking that I was such a great friend? Do you think that I still though everything about myself was amazing? Do you think that I think that right now? We’re both yelling, we’re both crying, we’re both messes! Can’t I be sad too?”

“You fucking...” Jeremy mumbled. A tear slipped and he couldn’t hold all of them anymore. “You ass...” He flung himself onto Michael, holding him closely. Slowly, Michael hugged back, leaning to the middle so they didn’t fall off the bed. “Shit face...” He tried to laugh.

“You are so _gay,_ Jeremy,”

“I’m sorry. I know that you hurt, I know that I hurt you,” His sentence was muffled from crying and by Michael’s jacket, but Michael heard every word.  

“I forgive you,”

“I want to forgive me,”

Michael started hugging tighter. “Is there some way I can help?”

Everything went quiet. The boys let go of each other and Jeremy looked at the bed, wiping off another tear. He looked at Michael again who was smiling sympathetically. He had his love. He had it. Who cared if he said no to dating, or if he never asked? They were best friends. A relationship like this only came once in a lifetime. Jeremy chuckled, watching Michael study his face, growing happier and happier by the second. Both of them. And everything was fine. Everything was more than fine. Everything was great.

“No. I’m sorry,”

“I love you,” Michael interrupted. Jeremy’s eyes became wide and he froze looking into Michael’s eyes. Michael started chuckling and he ran his hand through his hair, smiling wider than Jeremy thought was even humanly possible. Jeremy’s heart started beating quickly and the butterflies in his stomach wouldn’t rest.

“I’m sorry what,” Jeremy was cut off by Michael’s soft lips touching his. He pressed in so Jeremy was on the wall. Jeremy let out a soft moan as Michael put one hand on his waist and slid his other hand up the boys back and stated messing with his hair. He pulled him closer, which should’ve been imposable, and Jeremy wrapped his arms around Michael and realized he was wrong. Dead wrong.

Everything was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Two bros sharing emotions five feet apart because they're not gay


End file.
